The Hidden Cost of Chasing Marks: A Mentor’s Perspective

A parent messaged me recently saying she wanted to discontinue her child’s sessions because the exam marks were poor. Overnight, the child stopped attending, which made me pause and reflect.

Before I knew what had happened, the child I had been mentoring for a few months had just stopped attending, while the other children in the program kept enquiring why she wasn’t attending our sessions anymore.

There was a bond the children had developed. We were working on several concepts – gratitude, critical thinking, problem solving, creative writing, spellings, reading, learning how to apply those words in sentences, writing essays and creating stories.

I sat and thought it over what this lady had to share with me.

Last year, another parent had almost ‘yelled’ at me, asking why her daughter wasn’t getting good marks in her school tests and exams. Later, she resumed the sessions because that was the only time her daughter was off the screen, was compelled to think and write on her own, and not just copy and paste from ChatGPT or from a home tutor.

Honestly, I did feel bad. For a moment, I wondered if I wasn’t getting it right. I stepped back and reviewed my methods. I have always made it clear to parents that I’m not a tuition teacher; I don’t focus on the syllabus and marks, but on the child’s personal growth, using writing and art as tools to help them with self-expression, life skills, and a positive outlook on life and learning.

What Children Wish Parents Understood

I tried to be as self-critical as possible. Before a child enrols in our program, I invite parents and their child to a face-to-face chat to discuss their child’s needs. Most concerns are common: they don’t read, struggle to express themselves, dislike writing, or simply refuse to write. These children are usually in grades 2–6.

While some write well, they tend to hold back for fear of judgement, of disappointing their parents, or of not meeting their parents’ and teachers’ expectations.

Why Quick Results Don’t Build Confident Individuals

Sometimes it takes several weeks or months for a child to let go of old patterns, fear of judgement, the habit of asking whether they should use a blue or black pen, and the refusal to show their work in case it’s not up to the mark. Children hold back so much that they don’t even give themselves a chance. Often, the moment they complete an art piece or an essay, the first thing they say is, ‘I don’t want to show my work; it is not good.’

Unlearning Fear, Relearning Expression

Somewhere, unknowingly or knowingly, we may have raised the bar way too high, and the child can only do this much to stand on her tippy toes to stretch out her arm to touch that high bar set by a parent or a teacher/ tutor.

I can only empathise with teachers who teach so many children in classrooms where parents have sky-high expectations.

I’ve seen children sit timidly beside parents who proudly list daily writing drills, timers, competitions — while the child’s body language quietly reveals the pressure.

I don’t judge these parents, as I’m not aware of their aspirations or circumstances. But such episodes make me think: are our expectations overshadowing the child’s abilities? If Child A gets full marks at school, on what basis are we expecting our child to get full marks as well, just because we send her for tuition?

The Real Work Happening Inside Our Sessions

The child attending my program was incredibly happy. During an in-class activity, when I asked the children what they would ask for if a genie granted them three wishes, this very child said, ‘Ma’am, I have everything I need; I have loving parents; I don’t need anything from the genie.’ Her reply was a complete surprise. Being in grade 5, this child was far more grounded. She was full of ideas and always made an effort, despite spelling errors.

I realised that I was deeply invested in mentoring these children, and it hurt when the mother suddenly withdrew her child from our program without first connecting with me to discuss her expectations. I suggested that she could have shared her daughter’s test papers and called me with feedback; I would have taken it into consideration. But there was no response.

Mentorship takes time and here’s why

Mentorship takes time, as we have to help undo, unlearn, and relearn old, unhelpful patterns, transforming them into something more uplifting and empowering for the child. This kind of growth doesn’t always show up on a test paper. Sadly, for outcome- and result-oriented parents, it may not always translate into marks. I may appear to have failed as a mentor, but I still hold my ground. I don’t guarantee marks or completion of the syllabus; that is not my aim. I use writing and art as tools for self-expression, personal development, and fostering a positive attitude in children that will help them sail through life beyond the classroom.

During our sessions, as we explored new words in the dictionary, the children came across words such as ‘loyalty’, ‘mercy’, ‘determination’, and ‘mechanical’. It became an open forum discussion. We used examples, the children asked questions, and they bounced ideas off each other. Do you know what is happening here? They’re learning critical thinking; they’re using their minds to see where and how the word ‘loyalty’ fits in. Do you think this would garner an A+ or full marks in a regular test paper from a school textbook, where they’re expected to write in a certain way?

As a parent, you may not see the change overnight or even in a few weeks or months. But such judgement-free learning will help your child grow into a confident adult. They understand the concept of a growth mindset, which allows them to take failures and rejections in stride as learning lessons rather than drowning in self-pity.

I’m a mother of a teenage daughter, and I know how challenging it is for her, as an eighth-grader, to navigate peer and academic pressure and social media. It is not easy, but we work very hard to simply be there when she comes home from school and shares what happened. Many parents also struggle to connect with their teenagers, and I understand that worry.

Our sessions at the W.I.N.G.S and I.N.S.P.I.R.E programs help children learn to express themselves through words and art, to be kind to themselves and to trust a mentor to guide them along the way.

So, dear parents, if this isn’t what you’re looking for and marks are your only goal, W.I.N.G.S and I.N.S.P.I.R.E Programs aren’t for your child.

Your concern shouldn’t be only that your child isn’t scoring well. Your concern should be how your child handles failure, deals with peer pressure at school, and can express their fears and insecurities to you without fear of being judged or misunderstood. If you can get a mentor for your child, please do.

Exam marks are never a benchmark of a child’s abilities. If your child is happy and is able to navigate pressure with a positive attitude at school, that’s proof—for me—that W.I.N.G.S (Grades 2 to 6+) and I.N.S.P.I.R.E programs (Grades 8+) are working for your child.

What makes our programs special?

At W.I.N.G.S, children get to be themselves. They take a gentle break from academic pressure and learn through fun, play‑based sessions filled with art, writing, stories, and reflection.

We balance the stress of school with joyful, interactive activities that help children read, write, think, and feel better.

We don’t chase outcomes. We nurture the process — because when children enjoy learning, they grasp more, express more, and grow with confidence.

In this space, children learn to express themselves through words, colour, and art, think outside the box, become solution‑oriented, and develop a positive outlook toward learning.

A happy child is a happy parent — and that’s exactly what you’ll see here.

The Write Compass I.N.S.P.I.R.E. Writing Program is a 6 month to 1-year senior writing mentorship designed for IB and IGCSE students who want to think better, write better, and express with clarity and confidence. Through inquiry-based learning, narrative building, reflective writing, and perspective shaping conversations, students develop the higher order thinking and expressive skills needed for academic success and real-world communication.

Since this is an after‑school program that goes beyond marks and syllabus, our focus is on creativity, confidence, expression, and independent thinking.

And when pressure reduces, children naturally become more open, curious, and joyful learners.

Before enrolling their children in our W.I.N.G.S (Grades 2 to 6+) and I.N.S.P.I.R.E programs (Grades 8+), I always tell parents that if marks and percentages are your only goals, then this is not the program for your child.