Parenting Style: Proactive & Reactive ~ Part 1

“Girl Crying In Mothers Arm” by David Castillo DominiciThe Lifestyle Portal is proud to showcase a two-part series on effective parenting. Moms & Dads, take note – the first part of the series – ‘Parenting Style: Proactive & Reactive’ by Meher Karkaria in collaboration with Freyaz Shroff – the Founder of KurNiv.

Relationships take effort. They don’t happen by default. As with everything else in life, what you receive from your relationship can only equal what you put into it. You create or destroy your relationship. Every interaction, or all the thoughts you were unable to verbalize. Every commitment you make or all the broken promises. These are all products of your own words and actions. And just as surely as a construction worker constructs a building from scratch, you too are building a relationship from scratch. Every single thought, word and action from your side, is either adding another brick or pillar to the structure or tearing it down. Perhaps you cannot see this physically but it will ultimately manifest itself in the connection that you can create between yourself and the opposite party.

This is even more applicable when discussing relationships with children because you have to give more of yourself to your child, who is still in the process of developing as a human. You then, will set the tone for the relationship. The most rewarding tone you can set is that of mutual respect, where one can easily confide in the other, where one is willing to learn from the other and one is willing to grow with the other.

Respect is not to be confused with fear, but it’s is a very fine line. When it comes to children, you can only maintain fear for so long before the child grows out of it. If you expect your child to respect you, it is likely you are leading via fear instead. If, on the other hand, you set an example simply by behaving in the same way you would like your child to eventually behave, then you will find respect being handed to you without your asking for it!  What you must not do is attach expectations to the relationship. Understand that relationships are not transactional.

What exactly do you have to put into a relationship? Your time, your love, your support, your emotions, your touch, your words; basically be comfortable with offering yourself to the opposite person. Hold back on any of these fronts and you are offering something that is incomplete. The ensuring connection will also be incomplete.

If you are giving of yourself in such a manner, you are showing your child respect. Respect is not a separate entity which you can just ‘give’ to your child. It is the culmination of your actions over time, ultimately proving with each action that you admire your child, that you value their thoughts, that you support their achievements.

This connection that you have forged gradually over a period of time will sustain you through the rough patches, when your child starts experiencing hormonal changes and withdrawing from sharing their emotions.

Finally, there is a huge difference between giving your time and giving quality time. You don’t need the full 24 hours of each day to connect with your child. What you do need however, is a time period when you are able to offer one hundred percent of yourself to your child. Do this and trust that you are creating something larger than life. It is quite simply the best gift you can give to anyone, let alone your child.

KurNiv recommends, 5 quick ways to connect with your kids:

  1. Create a night-time ritual where you and your children read to one another
  2. Create a time slot once per week, where you and your child go out on a “date”
  3. Create “privilege” time with your youngsters, where they get one-hour of mobile-free time with you.
  4. Every day make sure you compliment your child about something they have done well
  5. Every day make sure you give your child at least 3 hugs!! Make one of those hugs a 21-second hug!

Meher KarkariaAbout the writer – Meher Karkaria, works on Success Execution at KurNiv. KurNiv is an organization committed to creating and developing success driven mindsets, which allows KurNiv to create Leaders of today.

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Tanya is a graduate in Sociology from Sophia College, Mumbai, a post-graduate in Communications and Media from SNDT Women’s University in Mumbai and holds a Master's Degree in Journalis & Mass Communications from Chandigarh University. A former writing mentor and a seasoned lifestyle writer, Tanya writes columns on The Lifestyle Portal of life and living.

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