Teen Loneliness and Social Media: What We’re Getting Wrong
It was around 7am in the morning when my daughter and I entered the lift to go to her bus stop. Mornings are usually rush hour for parents and school kids heading to school. One morning, we shared the lift with a father-daughter duo. The daughter was practising her speech for school on a topic that I gathered was, “Should teenagers be allowed to use social media.”
She was practising her speech with her father, and the points she mentioned were “We have to be careful while using social media,” and she signed off by saying, “Finally, I believe, we teenagers should be allowed to use social media as it helps us deal with loneliness.” And this girl was barely 12 or 13 years old!
Social media the ’emotional termite’
That last statement remained with me. ‘Loneliness’ is a very heavy and big word for a teenager to use, especially in this digital age when we’re all ‘so connected’. That was quite a signal that something wasn’t right – Using social media as a solution/ remedy for loneliness.
When social media entered our lives, we did not realise we were embracing an ‘emotional termite’. This emotional termite, in a glossy outfit that looks like a fashionista, gradually lures you into a mind-numbing habit that leaves us idle in mind, body, and spirit.
I’m not saying all social media is bad – if used wisely and correctly, we can learn so much from it, music, art, culinary skills, and virtually anything constructive.
The 80s childhood vs now
When young kids, especially teens, talk about being ‘lonely’, it is worrisome. While growing up, I’m thankful we didn’t have social media; in fact, many of us didn’t even have a television at home. This ensured that during summer vacations or on weekends, we played many outdoor games and watched two hours of children’s programs on Doordarshan’s Channel number 2, which we fondly called ‘DD2’.
There was no option to binge-watch series for endless hours; we knew the next episode would be aired next week at a fixed time. Sundays were reserved for Duck Tales, He-Man, Discovery of India, Giant Robot and Indradhanush, while shows such as Vikram Betal and Spider-Man were aired on other days of the week. Television didn’t rule our lives. Thankfully, we did not have mobile phones either; else we would have lost out on our sleep, woken up late and moped all day instead of getting out of the house to play.
We had lunch at home, then slept, read books, listened to music, and then rushed back down to play for another 2-3 hours. During the time at home, we would play card games, invent a whole lot of games and even play board games. Radio was our favourite companion – music, quiz programs and stories. Life was so fulfilling even when we had so little. Fewer options – on television channels, fewer things to do – not everyone could go on a vacation out of town, we embraced being kids in simple cotton frocks, t-shirts and shorts, wearing simple Bata shoes and chappals.
Our prized possessions were the humble badminton/table tennis rackets, hockey sticks, or a simple, rugged football. When there were power cuts, we just lazed on the floor, told each other stories, and formed deeper connections. Even when we had fewer options, we grew with a sense of abundance, of being rooted and feeling a sense of belonging.
So, what changed?
I was surprised that Cartoon Network, launched in India in 1995 as a dual channel, became a 24-hour channel in July 2021, and gradually children stopped going down to play as they were all glued to their television screens. And we failed to realise how 24-hour television channels had started stealing away free play from our children’s lives and gradually making them more isolated.
In October 2024, a paper titled What is Causing Our Epidemic of Loneliness and How Can We Fix It?, by Elizabeth M Ross talks about “…how loneliness is far more than ‘just a bad feeling’ and represents a major public health risk for both individuals and society,” as mentioned by U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy.
Murthy described ‘loneliness’ as a state of mind, which is a distressing experience occurring from isolation and when unable to make meaningful connections. Does that ring a bell? How many of us have gone through this phase or feeling?
What does loneliness mean to you?
According to What is Causing Our Epidemic of Loneliness and How Can We Fix It? | Harvard Graduate School of Education, loneliness has been defined as a ‘state of mind’, stemming from ‘perceived isolation’, or ‘inadequate meaningful relationships’ arising out of unmet expectations from people. In fact, over 70% of the people surveyed in this research mentioned technology as the primary contributing factor to their loneliness.
Before we embark on this journey, we have to understand what ‘loneliness’ means to us. How often do we feel lonely? Is it sometimes, occasional or perpetual? Let’s try a ‘7-Point Loneliness Self-Check’.
7‑Point Loneliness Self‑Check for Teenagers & Young Adults
- 1. How often do you feel lonely?
Never / Sometimes / Often / Almost every day - 2. What does loneliness feel like for you?
Low energy / Sad / Left out / Overwhelmed / Disconnected
(We avoid heavy labels such as ‘feeling depressed’ and focus on how the body and mind actually feel.) - 3. When do you feel loneliness the most?
At home • At school/college • In a group • At social events •In a new city/hostel • When friends are busy • When parent(s) are away on work • When you feel different from others - 4. What do you usually do when you feel lonely?
Stay in bed • Scroll on social media • Distract yourself • Go for a walk • Listen to music • Journal • Talk to a friend (This helps you notice your current coping style.) - 5. Why do you think you feel lonely?
Write 3–5 reasons.
Examples: feeling misunderstood, missing someone, lack of close friendships, academic pressure, comparison, transition to a new phase. - 6. What triggers your loneliness?
Bad weather • Exams • Weekends • Evenings • Friends not replying • Being in a new environment • Seeing others in groups or relationships - 7. What have you tried so far to feel better?
List 3–5 things you’ve done.
Examples: reaching out to someone, joining an activity, taking a break from social media, journaling, and spending time outdoors.
It is important to do a self-check first to see whether we’re misinterpreting ‘boredom’ and being ‘alone’ with loneliness.
Tips on using this checklist:
- Treat it like a weekly emotional check‑in.
- Use it to identify “loneliness” from “boredom” or “stress”.
- Use this checklist to track a pattern: when do you feel lonelier?
- Use it to build healthier coping strategies – such as kicking one bad habit and replacing it with a productive one.
- Combine it with a daily gratitude practice.
- Pair it with journaling. Writing daily especially at bedtime works wonders.
- Use it to talk to your counsellor/ parent.
- For each response, find out what you can do to better the situation/ feeling.
- Focus on the solutions. Write them down as clearly as possible.
- Keep going back to your previous responses to see how you worked on them and how far you’ve come.
We are bound to feel lonely from time to time. As humans, we are bound to experience a myriad of emotions, but we need to identify one emotion from the others. A self-check and daily gratitude practice definitely helps keep this feeling at bay, but if it becomes chronic, which hampers your daily activities, it is good to seek a mentor/ therapist/ counsellor.
Why are we still lonely in the times of social media?
We’re so mentally drained from doomscrolling that it seldom leaves us with much energy to step out and meet people or learn something new. We need human and social connections – even loners and introverts who need limited human contact, but still find other avenues to stay connected through nature, animals, and travel.
A report by Loneliness Statistics In India | Mind Voyage found that over 60% of adolescents in a survey conducted in Chandigarh reported feeling lonely. In their report, they noted that, in the era of social media, it was assumed the youth would feel more connected; however, the research proved otherwise.
Are we confused between being ‘alone’ and ‘lonely’?
Being ‘alone’ and ‘lonely’ are two very different things. Being alone does not necessarily mean being lonely. We are failing to realise that the intrusive nature of social media (we take our mobile phones to bed and that is the first and last thing we see when we sleep and wake up), we’ve become even more polarised and that’s causing us to be ‘lonelier’ as we’re now so conflicted, unsure, opiniated that our tolerance level has dropped.
How do we combat loneliness?
Actually, the remedies for loneliness can be dreadfully simple and easy to do, sadly, we’re so tuned to popping pills, taking help from social media or an AI Chatbot and heading to a therapist at the word go, we don’t even make an effort ourselves. There’ll be days we may not want to indulge in self-soothing, constructive or happy activities and just lie in bed or sit on a sofa doomscrolling instead, but a little push from our end can do wonders.
If you notice, the points mentioned below fall under ‘cognitive restructuring’ from the cognitive behavioural model developed by Käll et al., which includes interventions based on society, community, and the individuum at an emotional and behavioural level.
The following activities are for you and your well‑being. Do them with intention, as if you’re giving yourself a fresh breath of oxygen.
- Take a walk in the morning sun or step out for an evening stroll.
- Spend time playing in the park or outdoors.
- Volunteer for a cause that matters to you.
- Sleep well and go to bed on time.
- Eat nourishing meals on time.
- Wake up early and give yourself a calm start to the day.
- Exercise, play a sport or work out at least five days a week.
- Unfollow negative or draining social media accounts, curate your social media mindfully.
- Join cultural clubs—dance, music, theatre, creative writing and book reading.
- Spend time with pets or consider adopting one if your family allows.
- Play sports—especially team sports that build connection.
- Journal your thoughts and feelings.
- Practise gratitude daily.
- Explore watercolour painting or any creative hobby that soothes you.
It is not that we will never feel lonely; it is an emotion/ feeling like so many others. Taking part in the activities mentioned above does not mean we will completely get over loneliness, but it will help us handle it better. We’ll be able to acknowledge it, sit with it and not run away from it by doomscrolling or getting into the wrong company or habits. We’ll be able to accept and embrace loneliness. I know, I’ve been through such phases, and the best way to grow through it is to face it, accept it and be kind to ourselves during this process and take one day at a time.
If today I tell you or even myself to stay clear of social media, that may not be feasible. I personally don’t use social media on my phone, except for WhatsApp, because it helps me keep in touch with my family, friends, my daughter’s school, sports groups, and the parents of my mentees. It is a conscious choice that takes effort. Personally, I find social media so draining that I just don’t feel like checking it often, and I just don’t get any work done as I find myself mentally drained and anxious just by watching Instagram reels.
How Writing Mentorship Helps
Join us for a 2-Day/ 7-Day Gratitude Journaling Practice. Let’s focus on the good, and feed in happiness with gratitude. Most of the time, we hold the power ourselves. According to “How Gratitude May Mitigate Loneliness” on Psychology Today, studies show that gratitude can significantly help us shift our mindset toward a more positive, happier one. 4 Steps to Overcome Loneliness and Find Connection lists four steps to beat loneliness:
• Practising gratitude
• Participating in meaningful activities
• Stop comparing yourself to others
• Stay connected to yourself
Teenagers and young adults move to social media as it provides ‘instant gratification’, but it comes with an ‘instant discontent’ as it lacks depth. They tend to believe what they see outside is the real world, which hampers their young, impressionable minds.
For teenagers, it would be a challenge to make them see this perspective, but with consistent effort and the right guidance and mentorship, we can instil a sense of gratitude, calm, and positivity in them, so that they steer away from social media and look inward and towards meaningful connections.
While Australia has banned social media for teenagers up to the age of 16, I’m hopeful that such policies are implemented in India too, at least up to the age of 18, as our children desperately need their innocence and childlike wonder back.
Why writing mentorship works
We don’t have to let loneliness bring us down; we need someone to talk to. Find a trustworthy, reliable and optimistic friend, relative or therapist to work with. Journal daily or maintain a daily gratitude journal. It’s only a matter of time before we realise that only we can make that change.
Through my mentorship programs I use writing as a tool where I work with students, professionals, and homemakers to reconnect with themselves and find a purpose. I help channelise my learners by encouraging them to step outside their comfort zones through guidance and direction.
Coming back to the teenager’s topic on ‘Why social media should be allowed for teenagers’, loneliness should never be the reason to turn towards social media. We need not succumb to social media and turn to it as a remedy for loneliness; we can empower ourselves to grow through it.
I sincerely hope that social media is restricted for our children in our country until they’re at least 18 years old, as they’re highly impressionable. What we need for them is someone to mentor and guide them. They need more active play and outdoor sports (which, sadly, are frowned upon by many kids these days).
As a writing mentor, I step in to work with young kids, teenager, young adults and grownups, guiding them to positive thinking, empowerment and possibilities through writing as a tool.
Tanya Munshi
Writing Mentor & Coach. Founder of The Write Compass and The Lifestyle Portal.
NLP Master Practitioner, Certified Art Therapist
References:
Is the “Loneliness Epidemic” What It Seems? | Psychology Today
The epidemic of loneliness – PMC
What is loneliness, and why has it been declared an epidemic? | The Star
Loneliness epidemic & need for ‘mind spa’ | Lucknow News – The Times of India
